What Is The Deal With Humiliaton?

You’re supposed to read that headline as though you were Jerry Seinfeld.

Humiliation. I have no experience in it, other than examples like this.

There have been many things in my exploration that I never thought I’d consider hot but later found otherwise. Feet for example. I’ve never had a foot fetish until recently, though it is conditional. The same for strap-on play. It started out as “no way” now it’s “yes please”.

Being humiliated is still something I can’t get my head around. I suppose it depends on what you mean by humiliation. Being called a slut by a woman fucking me is hotter than hell. Being called a worthless worm is not. As far as I know anyway.

There is one time I do remember someone trying to humiliate me and it didn’t work out so well. It totally ruined the mood for me.

The woman I was playing was trying to humiliate me by making fun of the size of my manhood.

It’s not what she said that ruined it for me, it was because I didn’t believe her. This was the same woman who wouldn’t shut up about how much she loved that part of my body and how she couldn’t get enough of it just hours beforehand. Now she was telling me the opposite. Maybe she wasn’t sincere in complimenting me in the first place or maybe my ego prevented me from believing her. Maybe if I had believed her it would have been more erotic.

It’s not that I’m curious specifically about humiliation, it’s that I’m curious about all aspects of my exploration. Some emotional sides of being submissive are harder to fathom than the physical.

I’ve never experienced CBT yet I know it would be hot….ok I’m pretty sure it would be. Yet when it comes to humiliation I can’t figure it out or even imagine I would enjoy it.

Yeah there was no real point to this post…just rambling.


What an interesting subject! Humiliation, like pain, is a great, big, scary, dangerous thing. Most people (outside of kink) will do just about anything to avoid it. I think it’s wonderful that some people manage to take such an awful thing and eroticise it.

The ‘worthless worm’ and ‘small penis’ things don’t do much for me either, but some aspects of humiliation (having him naked while I’m fully dressed, having him crawl, etc.) really do work well both ways. I suppose there is a slight element of suspension of disbelief, in that when I’m treating my guy like a piece of meat, we both know I don’t think of him that way outside of sex, any more than I’d expect to order him around him outside of it being erotic for both of us, and any more than your play partner really believed you had a small penis.

I’m just guessing, but perhaps she’d played with someone else who did get off on the ‘small penis’ talk. It’s exciting and arousing to control somebody with your words: to see them get hot and hard in response to something you say. Maybe it was just the wrong button to push, for you.

If you find the right buttons, though, playing with humiliation can be very, very sexy.

You’ve got me thinking now. It’s a big subject and there’s no short answer. I may do a post on this myself.

Wait…you like strap on’s too? Christ woman, just kill me now. ๐Ÿ™‚

I agree, sometimes humiliation can be fun, when its sexy. Example: I like to grope Gabriel when no one else can see, but lots of people are around, like waiting for the subway, or the the dark parts of a bar or whatever. It mildly humiliates him, but its hot too.

Same goes for verbal humiliation, when it feeds into a hot shared fantasy. Though, I’ve been kinking hard on that lately. I have two gentlemen friends who like me to talk about how I’m going to use them and then let all my friends use them how ever they want and all sorts of other things, and, go figure, I really really like that. ๐Ÿ™‚

For me, verbal humiliation is where the line also gets sticky. I was playing with one of my friends, and we were getting verbal, what with me calling him a slut and what not, until I said something about ‘Yeah, you come all the way out here for it, don’t you?’, referencing the fact that while we live in the same city, we’re fairly far apart, and he *always* comes to my place. And man, that was the most wrong thing I could possibly say. We came to a screeching halt, and I hadn’t felt that bad in a looong time.

For me the pleasure of humiliation play – with the right person – is that it knocks me down into a submissive emotional space that is highly intoxicating. My emotional masochism is as strong as my pleasure in physical pain.

SPH is a hugely popular fetish for many men. Even if they aren’t otherwise giving to BDSM. Even if it isn’t really small. That is why you see so many PSOs offering it and I gave it a forum when I setup Fetish Lore.

It seems to me that there’s a fine line between what makes you hot and what totally turns you off. Humiliation is such a wide-open field, rather like BDSM itself. There are only certain kinds of humiliation that I’d feel comfortable doing, and overall I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m more comfortable thinking about it as power exchange. There are certain things that I like to do because it pushes my sub down farther, but as Bitchy says so well, submission isn’t really humiliating. It’s hot!

I find the whole notion of forced feminization especially troubling, for all the reasons that Bitchy spells out here. But I love service. I love subs who clean my house for me — not because I see this as a way of forcing them to be feminine, but because I love to be the recipient of excellent customer service. But service isn’t humiliating, it’s just hot.

So what exactly constitutes humiliation, and what is its relationship to things that are just hot? It’s hard to say. The good thing about humiliation in general, in a non-BDSM context, is that it reminds us all that we are not perfect, we are not the be-all and end-all of existence. And so for that reason, I think that humiliation can be good for the soul. It relieves us of the burden of perfectionism. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s not.

And if you tell your sub a story about stripping him naked and offering him up for auction, and the both of you get hot talking about, does that mean that it’s a fantasy you’d actually want to fulfill? And is the reason that it’s hot about public humiliation, or about showing off what a fabulous boy you have, and wanting to share him with others?

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. I don’t think I’d be into getting humiliated myself, especially by a man (in spite of my switch tendencies), but who really knows? As you said, things that used to be “no way” can turn into “yes, please.” Your point about not believing the woman who wanted to belittle your penis size points to the importance of authenticity in any kind of play. That can be hard to achieve in a kink that’s so full of tropes and stereotypes. Authenticity, ultimately, is what gets me hot.

I like best whatever makes the man blush or feel more submissive, and that varies with each man’s triggers.

i really, really get off on humiliation. but i find things like spanking to be incredibly humiliating. i’m easily embarrassed. saying things that make me uncomfortable is arousing. doing things that make me uncomfortable is arousing. i bet that you would like it. once you trust someone, you can take on so many things that you didn’t think you were up for. humiliation can make you feel so small and helpless, and *that* is *extremely* arousing.

Yeah I kind of don’t get it either. I mean, I do, but, meh, I’m really not that into it. What bugs the bejeesus out of me is that humiliation is the standard thing most people think men who are submissive get off on and thus the entire femdom market (i.e. typical prodommes) make it their largest selling point.

Fact is, I’m not worthless, and I won’t be turned on by people who think I am, either.

Too often humiliation is seen as a kink rather than a tool. I think it can be a tremendous teaching aid for submissive men when properly employed. Many dominant women I’ve spoken with, however, are not interested in asserting themselves when the objective involves the public humiliation of their submissive.

But I’ve always found a public dressing down by a woman towards a man to be a highly effective for the correction of improper behavior.


“Its a floor wax its a topping NO! its both”
Things that don’t work with humiliation for the most part is telling using things that your confidant in. If your not worried about or don’t have something in your head about cock size then someone making fun of cock size just wont work.

For some peoples its a very core thing for others its situational like dirty words during heated moments.

I have a few comments on this. Firstly: wee and poo. This is how I tend to refer to things I don’t understand fully.

I will clearly expand on this analogy!
Wee/piss/urine etc is something I’ve never experienced but I can SEE why it’s appealing. I may never do it, I may do it and love it (which I think is the case) I may do it and say “no more cheers”. But I understand WHY someone likes it and why it turns them on.
Poo/scar/shit etc I don’t get, just don’t get at all. Can’t over the thought of the smell, the bacteria etc. I respect anyone that does it, but I know it’s not for me.

Humiliation is a bit like that for people. It’s either wee or poo.

I don’t do “you’ve got a small dick” but I have enjoyed making my sub squirm. Due to the nature of our relationship, some of our sessions are online. I had teased him to the point of cruelty and he had just IMed me “Please let me cum with my finger up my arse Miss”. I told him to turn his phone to silent and when it rang answer it. He was to recite what he had just typed and then I would hang up. d tells me that this was one of the most humiliating moments of his life. I loved it!

you dirty worm = poo
say it our loud that you’d like to cum with your finger up your arse = HOT wee