Leather Pride Weekend, But I’m Not Proud

Warning: This post contains more bitching and moaning. Don’t continue reading unless you’re willing to put up with more complaining.

It’s Leather Pride weekend!

I really don’t know what Leather Pride is supposed to be. I mean, I know what it’s supposed to be but I have no clue how I’m supposed to feel it.

I know why others feel pride about the lifestyle and good for them. I’m happy for them. I just can’t relate.

My desire to find a dominant woman for either casual play or something more is a constant source of stress, sadness, frustration and tears. I don’t think I’ve ever felt pride.

I’ve felt leather thankful before. Thankful for the good friends I’ve made. It’s not Leather Thanksgiving however.

I’ve started to get angry at myself for needing this. Angry at myself for having such a deep desire for everything in that last post of mine.

Let’s be honest, it’s not going to happen.

I might as well write a fantasy about winning the lottery on the same day I cure cancer while having sex with my wife, Adriana Lima.

I know what some of you will say right now “No, it won’t happen with that attitude” and you would be right. When I’m happy and optimistic it doesn’t happen either so what’s the difference?

There are times when I want to stop writing here until something happens that’s worth writing about. Part of me feels guilty for always writing about how shitty I feel. I sometimes get worried that I’m annoying readers with all of my bitching and complaining.

Maybe I’ll put up a survey and pose that very question. If I shouldn’t write another word until something happens and until then just stop.

From Wikipedia:

“Pride is an emotion which refers to a strong sense of self respect, a refusal to be humiliated as well as joy in the accomplishments of oneself or a person, group, nation or object that one identifies with.”

I can read the words and it makes sense but the feeling just isn’t there for me.

I will be going to Folsom Street East on Sunday. Doing my best to keep my chin up.


Maybe at Folsom since your chin will be up someone may hit you on it. Then throw you to the ground and beat the shit out of you. Afterwards drag you to a side street and fuck you.
But then it’s not the 70’s when that kind of fun could be found, but the Goddess may work her magic.

I hear you. I am going to show support and mostly volunteering so that I can meet new and interesting people. Hope you change your mind, but if not, I will see you at Folsom.

ok sometimes yeah sometimes I do go oh Axe is at it again butttt it’s you and your blog and no I don’t read it just to get some smilie happy picture of life so write what you want to need to. Like you need permission. Now, if you go out and marry some vanilla girl and then complain she doesn’t keep you satisfied thennn I will be pissed at you.

I’ll jump in here. There are a few ways you can define leather pride in this case. First is celebrating you who are. That’s having pride over being a kinky individual, and not being ashamed of it. Or then there is pride over our community. Celebrating the fact that there are spaces where one can mingle with other alternative sexuality people, that we don’t have to hide and keep it inside us, all shut off to the world.

It’s a time to celebrate who we are.

I think you link too much of the community to your search for a partner. Look at the friendships you have made, the people you have met, the exposure to a culture and a language to help you figure out who you are, to help explain who you are with others. The fact that you can go to these events and say “I’m a submissive man” and not feel like you are in danger because of it.

I feel a lot of pride for the reasons above. I hope you will one day.

Boymeat, that is the best comment I’ve ever read, and exactly what I was trying to form in to words out of my head. You rock.

Pride is a funny thing. It could be seen as arrogance. It’s very self obsessed. There is going to be a dominant female that wants to shed you of pride, reduce you to a man who understands his true place, who will teach you all about humility (although I expect you understand all about humility).

I have to ask…What exactly do you want? What is it you need?

Maybe you should start your own Leather Thanksgiving. It sounds kind of fun.

I know what some of you will say right now “No, it won’t happen with that attitude” and you would be right. When I’m happy and optimistic it doesn’t happen either so what’s the difference?


Hmmm. When you were happy and optimistic it may not have happened. But that hardly means it won’t ever work out for you. I think it has a much better chance of happening for you if you are positive, have an interesting life outside of kink, and don’t have a pile of baggage.

But even assuming that it’ll never happen (and I don’t really agree with you there)… What’s the difference? The difference is that you’re…happy. The difference is living a fulfilling life and enjoying the things you have, not worrying about the things you don’t. No one gets everything they want. You don’t always have control over every part of your life. However, you to have the opportunity to shift your emotions and your perspective.

Axe, I’ve already sent you a message but it kills me that you are doubting yourself and your contribution to our community. Just so you know, you would be missed (sorely) if you decided to stop posting. Stop feeling so sad, okay?

Hugs and slaps,

axe, this is a post that is a little problematic to reply to, as there are as many cultures of BDSM as there are nations and then some. However, I’ll try.

One of the fallacies with the “search for kink” as I see it, is that to some kink is personal, to others it’s political. As a political even Leather Pride is extremely important, and I’ll happily walk under almost any flag on a matter of principle, not for my own sake, but for that of my friends, relatives, aquintances who want to be allowed to love the way they want to. To me this is like women’s liberation, race and class struggles: Equal rights, equal opportunities, protection under the law and the chance to contribute legally to the society (by for instance adopting each other’s children if you are gay or live in a poly family, with all the responsibilities that entails).

And then there is the deeply personal part, which is my sex drive. I’d never go in a parade demanding the right of owning a submissive. Now you’ll say: “oh but it’s so easy for Dommes…” Bullshit. I have found one in the last nine years who really made me want to throw him down, tie him up and never let him lose, and while I did that it has not really been “happy ever after” since. In vanilla “interest” terms, I meet a person I really get hooked on perhaps every 7-10 years. So, perhaps 5 in my lifetime so far. One I married, one is my submissive, and one is a close friend. Not bad, all in all, I think. But this has nothing to do with the political side of leather pride, it’s about my personal feelings.

I also don’t want to walk in any parade displaying my sexuality, I’d be displaying solidarity. If I did walk I’d probably go with the bi or gay women, waving a rainbow flag and wearing comfortable shoes. My personal sexuality does not belong at a parade. My political views on the restrictions to sexual practices, yes, but the world doesn’t need to know how I get my orgasms.

This is often the problem with kink: Because it IS so deeply personal, the distinction between political and private gets blurred. your grief at not having found a life partner is a personal matter, while the Leather Pride movement is a political one.

The only impact things like that can be expected to have on your own private life is by exposing yourself to as many kinksters as possible. As long as you are your amusing, friendly and willing self, that can only make your odds better.

Hi. I love Adriana Lima. She’s really georgeous and a fine role model. She’s really sexy yet she didn’t choose to have premarital sex. Do you guys know where I can find Adriana Lima posters?