How Much Pain Can You Take?

“How much pain can you take?”

Such an odd question. A great question though, since it hopefully comes from a person who’s thinking about testing just how much I can take.

How do I answer that?

“Lots?”

One person might consider me a pain-slut while another might think of me as a total pussy (to this I always say “you are what you eat”).

I’ve been told I’m a masochist, but it’s not like I have a large sample of opinions on the subject.

I’ve sometimes been tempted to ask what kind of pain since there are many different kinds I have yet to try.

If I’m bound I seem to be able to take more. I think. Maybe it’s just because I like bondage. I’d probably do lots of things more if I could be bound while doing them.

The correct response is probably “How much do you like to give?”.

A number of people have asked me if pain and giving oral are the only things I’m into. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I probably at the top of my mind lately though since sadists are so hard to come by and it’s a a curiosity that has me a bit beside myself.

I mean, I know why I like bondage, I know why I like a lot of things. But I still don’t know why I’m curious about CBT and a million other forms of pain/torture.

I recently joined this BDSM social networking site Fetlife. On it they have a list of kinks that you can check off and show your degree of interest. As I went through the list I kept shaking my had at how much there is that I have yet to try. I also found a few things I had never even considered before.

I only recently discovered the joys of being whipped. Holy fuck is that amazing. If half of my curiosities are as amazing as being whipped I’m in big trouble. Holy fuck that’s addicting.

Even though I loved it I still don’t know how much I can take. How does one measure that?

What is the best answer to that question? What answer does a dominant woman want to hear? What turns her on most?

“Lots”

“Buches”

“A Plethora of Pain”

“How much would you like?”

34 Comments

The best answer is the truth. The worst thing is for someone to identify themselves as a major masochist, and then for them to wind up too deep in over their heads.

Boymeat- Thanks. But again. I don’t know the answer to the “How much can you take” question. What’s the answer when one doesn’t know the truth?

A question for you axe I have a something I’d like to do to a sub , but I can’t find one that is up to try it .I would strip him tie his arms and lets very tightly to a chair with that nice ruff jute rope I like . Tie a tine pice of jute around his balls and base of his cock so tightly it made every vein bulge in a way he didn’t know it could. Then the fun part . Fource his mouth to stay open by putting in oneof those metal things dentist use , attach a wide clamp to the tip of his tounge and pull it out of his mouth streaching it beyond any natural limit. I would then drag every inch of my body over his tounge , like a cat bathing its self . when done , Turn the chair on it’s back with him still in it and straddle his face rubbing my jucies allover his dry tounge, showing him just how I like it done, while pulling the rope around his cock untill he trys to scream but can’t , his mouth is full , so that he will remember how to please me the next time.

Could you take that much pain?

that is a very openended and loaded question… i like your answering the question with a question approach 🙂

xx, m

ek ,I got a little too worked up . Too many typos sorry.

The truth is you really don’t know. But, first you have to know a few things. Like what kind of pain? Meaning is the pain going to come from and implement? If so which one? A cane feels different from a flogger feels different from a single tail, feels different from a slap from a hand. This sadist would suggest working with in some parameters on where you are willing to start. If you say “well Ma’am whatever you think.” I may think taking you were you’re crying for you mommy is a good thing. 😉 You may as well but not right out the gate.

PS
If you work with safe words holy fuck might not be a good word to use. 🙂

kudzu- Yes please!

Raven- Let’s leave my mommy out of this please. But crying would be….a good release I imagine.

This is a hard one, because one person’s light whipping is another’s overkill. Also, different tops can hit harder or lighter, while still claiming to have really beaten the crap out of someone. So, it’s hard to know exactly where you stand on a curve.

I would answer by describing what I have endured as accurately as possible. Also you can describe what enduring pain means for you — is it something you eroticize, or is it just something you endure as a service to your domme?

As a domme, what I want to know regarding pain is whether the sub has actually experienced any pain play. The worst subs are those who have fantasized about it, but never experienced it, because they think they can take anything, but then when you hit them lightly once, they freak out. They have built a mental image of pain that is nothing like reality.

So, I would emphasize actual experience, even self-inflicted stuff, in your response.

How about a few nice hard slaps to the face when I see you start to struggle from the ropes:) toss in some extream hair pulling to adjust your head to mt likeing? other than a hand what could you take a beating from ? whats you fav?

sorry, the sadist in me is cumming out . HeHe

A legitimate question. Of course, like Boymeat said, the truth is best! If we were negotiating, I’d want precision and examples and some context. For example, “I’ve been caned enough to leave welts for five days and think I could take more than that, I loathe singletails, I can’t take any pressure pain on my balls, and I only like static electricity to my cock if I’m already sexually excited.” Things like that. “If I perceive that you’re enjoying it, I can enjoy more pain.” “If I’m warmed up gradually, I can’t endure as much.” “Even though I don’t always enjoy the sensation, I like not-enjoying it, so experiencing more pain than I can comfortably endure is satisfying for me.” “I want to cry.”

That last, of course, would make me smile more than most of the others, but they’re all helpful things to say in a negotiation.

I know, by their nature, D/s relationships tend to have some pain aspect. But I’m one submissive man who is pain-averse and would like to celebrate the power of women without the necessity of being injured.

john

Are sadists really hard to find? I feel like there are way more of us than there are masochists.

I bet you’d also be able to take different amounts of pain from different dommes. I suppose I would like to hear something like: “Well, I’m not quite sure. But I strive for excellence and would hope that you and I could find out together. How much pain I can take. And how much you can dish out.”

“Why don’t we experiment and find out?” *grin*

Lavender Scorpion April 5, 2008 at 12:29 am

“How much pain can you take?” Such a remedial question. If that doesn’t illustrate lazy thinking I don’t know what does!

You’d be better served by the Domme (yes, I catch the irony in that) who asks you what you *fear*

It’s always a challenging question, that one. But working out the answer gives insight (I think) into both the top and the bottom’s perceptions and understanding of pain.

Great post!

xx Dee

Janie Blooms is exactly right. From my experience, the honest answer, “I don’t know, but I’m eager to find out” is both real and open enough to be encouraging without making any false claims that can’t be met. And is there anything sexier to a D than an s who is willing to push their own limits?

Being a switch and a dominant masochist, I think it depends on how pain you can take in respect to the scene.

There are also times when your body or mental state might be off and something that you’d laugh at might cause more distress then you are comfortable with.

In regards to your question, I’d so what I would with any bottom.. test them and gradualy see where limits get close. If it was me asking that questions I’d ask a series of questions instead:

1. What was the most painful scene you’ve had recently? Why was it memoriable?

2. What did you like about that scene and what did you disliked about it? Could you have gone further or did it go too far.

3. What sensations you like (stingy sharp) what you dislike (thuddy, whacks) Which sensations can you take to the next level if you are warmed up?

By asking these questions and working with that information in a scene, I get more of a hands on knowledge and well can ramp it up from there. I really don’t need to know how much of a pain freak you are before playing, just enough to find out where to take you.

At least that’s how I tend to do things. YMMV.

I’d agree with much of what has been said here… how much you take depends on the “with who” and the “in what scene.” I’d add that the proper response can always be, “I’m not sure.”

There is an unspoken expectation in much of what I’ve seen of BDSM circles that dismisses the, “I don’t know.” As though everyone should know with certainty what they want and will/can take/dole out.

Which dismisses the entire fun spectrum of *exploration* of new things. “I don’t know” is a perfectly valid answer. “I haven’t tried x, y, and z” is a perfectly valid answer. How someone responds to those answers will tell you quite a bit about them. And will probably let you know if you want to play with them.

Most of my early explorations with hitty things and making men cry kind of things were at a young age with men who were also just beginning to explore *pain* and I think that gave me a good perspective on how fun exploration CAN be. And how levels of play can be fun, starting at nearly gentle levels of pain and working my way up and down the spectrum of sensations to see what responses I got allowed me to observe his responses.

I’m not dismissing the fun of going straight to brutal pain… that can be quite lovely… but going there with someone you don’t know seems wrongish.

Besides… I’d never believe someone’s answer fully about how much pain they can take! LOL I know people who call themselves pain sluts who crumble easily and masochists who claim they are pain wimps who can beautifully and nobly endure quite a bit.

So I go by exploration rather than an answer.

Rambling a bit off the point I wanted to make… don’t feel that you HAVE to know everything about yourself and every form of pain. And don’t feel you have to be in some sort of pain competition (maymay wrote beautifully about this a while back) … it may feel sometimes like you should take pain unflinchingly better than any sub ever ever.

But the reality is that different people respond differently and it isn’t a competition. And there are sadists out there who ENJOY the flinching!

I don’t like questions like that, because they’re a set-up to fail. It’s like being asked how dominant I am, how strict I am, or how sadistic I am. Compared to what? Using what measuring scale? How long is a piece of string?
 
If I’m asked any of those questions (if I answer anything at all) I ask right back “Compared to what?” And that usually sends them off on a different tack which is either more helpful, or helps them be more away from me.
 
If you want to offer a comprehensive answer, you might consider describing which implements, in the right hands, you are prepared to tolerate, and for how long, and up to what skin marking levels.
 
Otherwise, I think “Compared to what?” is the only reasonable answer to a question like that.

Pain slut? Man, I’d like a piece of that action. 😉

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