Now and then I get emails from readers wanting advice. In the past you fine readers have really helped with these questions and so I’m posting another one:
“First of all, I love your blog – when I read it, I got teary – I didn’t know men like you considered yourselves submissive. To me, you are the definition of masculine and yummy all in one 🙂 Sorry – not flirting with you!
Anyway, I met a guy on collarme and he’s scarily ideal and I totally want him. I’m discovering this side to myself recently after years of trying very very hard and unsuccessfully to be a “good girl”. Sigh. Anyway, I don’t want to fuck it up. He’s inexperienced too. He says he likes strong, confident, aggressive – that’s all me but I don’t want to make a fool of myself by doing or saying something wrong. Does that mean I can never have a shy moment around him? Like if I’m overcome with emotion can I show it? Would it turn him off?
Here’s my advice:
First of all, you need to think about what turns you on, what you want and what you like about the idea of being dominant. That way it’ll make it much easier for you know what you want from him.
You don’t need to know how to throw a whip, how to tie a knot or any of that stuff to be dominant. You just need to know what you want, or at least be able to take the reigns and explore the different things out there.
As far as showing emotion goes, I’m ashamed to admit when I first started I was looking for someone who was cold, knew exactly what she wanted and would demand it from me and not show any weakness. I don’t know if this is the case with the guy you met but I think it’s a common problem that submissive guys have when they first start out. They have unrealistic ideas of what dominant women are.
Right now I would say just have fun with it. Ask yourself what gets you off about the idea of controlling a guy and then go from there.
How about you dear reader?