How Do You Flirt With Milk?

I’ve decided that sex is a higher priority than kinky sex at this point. I’ve been doing the vanilla thing lately. I’ve joined a few vanilla dating sites. One where I hint at who I really am, one where I come right out and say it and other where I seem like just another guy. The third one is the one with all the emails.

I’m working on my flirting skills as well. Normally I don’t flirt that much with people I run into randomly but I’ve decided I need to change how I interact with the world.

One thing I’ve been doing lately is smiling at a woman walking down the street toward me and see how long it takes for her to smile back. If she’s walking with her head up I can usually get her to smile 60-70 percent of the time. It’s a good thing to make someone smile. It gives me an emotional hard-on to be able to get someone who wasn’t smiling to beam with a big grin.

My most recent attempt at flirting was at Starbucks. I was standing in front of a woman in line and I couldn’t help but want to strike up a conversation with her . I thought and thought of a good way to initiate one. Then it struck me…Milk! I’ll offer her milk for her coffee!

I slowly walked to the table in the back with my coffee and acted like I was checking out something on my phone. I poured half and half into my cup, taking my time so it wouldn’t look like I was just standing there holding a big thing of half and half waiting for her. She ordered some fancy half-caf-moca-chapa-rapa-chino-late-grande-non-fat-thingy so it was taking a while. I timed it perfectly so I was just finishing my pour when I asked if she wanted half an half.

I imagined what her reaction wold be:

“You’re offering me half and half? You’re clearly very in tune with my wants and needs. You must come home with me now so we can roll around in my bed for hours. I’ll use your abilities to know what pleases me to quench this deep carnal thirst. For a few hours you will be mine and we won’t stop until every muscle in our bodies is worn out from succumbing to this lustful ache. You will fuck me and I will fuck you. And in the morning, you will cook me breakfast.”

What she actually did, was smile at me and reach for the non-fat milk.

I did get a smile though.

49 Comments

You’re so cute 🙂

Agreed.

However, next time go for the light milk.

(Not serious dating advice.)

A thoughtful strategem. Good call.

Oh Axe, you can smile at me any day of the week!

Or offer me milk, for that matter.

That was great. Very funny. Glad I’m not the only one who has weird fantasies.

Just remember – the longer the order at Starbucks, the more likely the girl is high maintenance and bitchy. So says my sister, a Starbucks Barista.

Damn. My Starbucks order is really, really long. ::gasp!:: What does this say about me as a person?

I think I would have loved giving such a reply just to see the reaction on the guy’s face. In fact, I just might give it a go.

Two problems though:
1. We don’t have Starbucks over here.
2. I don’t drink coffee. (And no, no tea either.)

I don’t see either changing soon, so I will just have to challenge my friends and everyone else to do it for me.

OK, I’ll give you My preferences right away, so you can flirt the right way when we meet at Starbucks. At Starbucks I get a cappucino or a latte, so the milk is already in. But your window of opportunity is the sweetener! Find those little annoying packages and offer one, and I am guaranteed to smile. Perhaps even say a few words 🙂

Sadly, my order at Starbucks is soy as I am allergic to milk.

She added milk to her milky drink? Weeeeeeeeeeeird.

Sweetener is a good idea!

Smiles are underrated… keep doing it. It will reap results.

Umm, next time say “would you like the half and half?” And if she goes for the nonfat make a joke about it. “Oh, you do nonfat? I used to do nonfat, but then I realized I was getting too skinny.” Or “Nonfat? Really? Did you know that a study came out that said that you can tell a lot about a person by the way that they take their coffee? I think this means you’re pretty low maintence, but pretty self aware. Am I right?” Or “Oh! Rejected! Damn, chivalry’s not dead, it’s been killed.” Or “Come on, you know you want the half and half… it’s goooooooood.”
(Note that none of these are particularly good, just riff on it and flirt and use whatever makes sense at the time to get the conversation started)

Great story. Smiles are sexy so keep on smiling!

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