The Camera Adds 10lbs of Awkwardness

I’m on the subway as I write this.

Heading to some fancy schmancy place a friend suggested I look for new glasses.

It’ll be on Park Avenue. A place littered with trophy wives and their tiny dogs and their Viagra filled elderly husbands.

Hmmm I’m sounding bitter a bit early in this post aren’t I?

Anyway I’m going to try on a few pairs that I think don’t make me look like a hipster doofus and emailing the photo to a few friends. They know what looks good on me better than I.

I went to one store last night with a friend and with every pair I tried on I alsked “What pair makes you want to rip my clothes off. If you didn’t know me I mean”.

Shopping with platonic friends, who don’t want to rip your clothes off, makes it difficut to get a good opinion. Or at least get the reaction I’m hoping for.

I’m really bad at knowing what looks good on me.

Here’s another oddity, I can go days without looking in the mirror.

Even more odd is how getting my photo taken makes me feel uncomfortable.

A new friend asked me to take part in a photoshoot for her. It wasn’t porn…but it did involve me in various states of undress. The odd thing is how I felt more comfortable when she was taking photos below my waist than when she was taking photos of my partially shadowed face. If I had a choice, I’d rather someone take photos of my naked body without my face, than my face in a clothed photo.

Weird huh?

Whenever someone takes a photo of my face I feel compelled to make a silky face or do something to cover up.

Photos of my junk or my newly bruised bumm? No probelm.

Most of the photos that my friends see of me on facebook are photos of me taken by me. That I’m comfortable with for some reason.

Anyway, no real point to my post and this is my stop.

Time to go point and laugh at dogs smaller than cats.

12 Comments

could not agree more, my place is behind the camera.

did you get any glasses in the end?

My younger sister is a documentary photographer and I think having her around taking photographs of the family has desensitized me, somewhat, when it comes to getting my picture taken. I greatly prefer not noticing the camera, which she is quite skillful at doing – she’s learned to take my photograph when I’m being distracted.

Many of her photographs are so beautiful, precious captured moments of life that I’ve become less uncomfortable about it.

I love having my photo taken and have modelled for a friend when they wanted to try out a new camera, I modelled nude, have been on stage nude etc etc
However, I am NO looker, (I prefer to think of myself as a niche market) whilst some people would chew their arm off to get a piece of me others would rather chew their arm off!!!

The thing that I dislike: looking at the photos afterwards. THen I see my double chin, my saggy boobs and my less than modelesque figure. (although I have the cutest feet and a lovely tidy vagina!!) So, providing I don’t think about the end result I can be photographed at any time. THe moment I do though; cue gurning and silliness.

What’s a silky face?

MistressCarmen: That would be a silly face with a typo. Hey you get what you pay for on this blog!:)

Sophie: No glasses yet, I’ve got to find a place that accepts my crappy vision insurance.

Miss Drew: Yeah I don’t like looking at my photos either.

lilblackdress: Feel free to email me a link to your sister’s stuff!

Dear Axe,

Good luck finding glasses!

I reccomend the Superman frames in the kid’s section. They make me look wicked cool.

Best Wishes,
Ally

P.S. I’d jump the guy wearing these specs. hhttp://www.simplyeyeglasses.com/products/p/p/p.php?frid=270573

Dear Axe,

Good luck finding frames!

I reccomend Superman frames from the kid’s section. They make me look wicked cool.

Best Wishes,
Ally

P.S. I’d jump the guy wearing these. http://www.simplyeyeglasses.com/products/p/p/p.php?frid=270573

I read your Twits, too: Oliver People’s make fantastic glasses, and the quality indeed makes a difference in durability as well as personal appearance.

Unless you’re set on a plastic resin style, I’d go with the classic Advocate frame. The rimless bottom of the lenses will open up your face nicely! I’ve worked at an optical boutique, and yes, a man’s choice in eyewear does make a difference in whether I want to tear his clothes off! The biggest mistake made with glasses is choosing a frame where the lenses are too big vertically. Thinner lenses look more youthful, and are just as effective for vision.

D&G frames have a very stylish selection for men. Also, you should consider the completely rimless Silhouettes. They are the most comfortable eyewear out there, and a great choice if you’re not intent on choosing your glasses as an accessory piece.

Best of luck!

Glasses don’t usually make me want or not want to rip someone’s clothes off. Perfume, though…

Totally get you on picture-taking. Boy Toy’s something of a photographer which means I’ve been in several shoots. I don’t mind the shoots too much; it’s, as Miss Drew said, the results afterwards that I have difficulty with. And I think Boy Toy has difficulty with me disliking most of the pics of me, which are his work…

And don’t you laugh at those dogs, they don’t know they’re smaller than cats 😛

Oh, glasses *totally* make me want to rip someone’s clothes off. There’s something erotic about taking off someone else’s eyeglasses. It does disappoint me a little that my lover prefers wearing contacts to eyeglasses.

I am sapiosexual and the stereotypical trappings that come with demonstrations of intelligence turn me on. Including eyeglasses.

Well, in my teens (and admittedly, still now) I did have a big thing for Jarvis Cocker and those thick black NHS specs have done it for me ever since. In a geek-chic sort of way.

Mind you, his filthy come-to-bed crooning might have also had something to do with it.

Axe-
The question which is the question that I have is….

You, like lots of folks, don’t show your face in photos. (It sounds like, for you, it’s not just an anonymity thing, but a personal preference). But you take photos of yuz. So you must have wrestled with the aesthetic and practical issues of the sexy photoshoot with no face that don’t end up looking like a massive cropping failure. I have this idea that you will explode with deep insights about this.

Poke, poke.

-Orlando

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