Service

Sex As A Reward For Service?

· February 21, 2008 · Thoughts · , , · 15 Comments

Ok, I know I post about service often but I’ve heard something twice in the past week that totally blows my mind. Mixing service with something more sexual.

I was chatting with a friend about it earlier and the subject came up again.

Here’s an excerpt from a recent chat:

axe: i’ve been performing service for years now and have never done anything sexual

Domme: omg someone as cute as you..

Domme1: well my drive is Huuuuge i couldnt imagine it not being sexual

Domme: how boring

axe: but i’ve performed service for women who had strong drives as well but there was nothing sexual

Domme: maybe they arent attracted to you?

axe: probably

Domme: its what makes it fun. I prefer to closely supervise and punish when its not done right..and reward when it is

axe: i enjoy close supervision

axe: but a reward for a good job? usually a reward for me is being allowed to come back and clean again

Domme: omg

Domme: no….

Domme at least jerking off

Domme: its hot

Domme: i just find it so highly charged

Domme: lol but maybe everything is that way for me

Domme: i guess i want it to be more intense…

Domme: what do you wear?

Domme: ive fantasized about an apron and naked.

axe: usually jeans and a tshirt, my normal clothes

Domme: really i think its super erotic

Domme: its hard work, the guys sweat, its fun to see a hot ass…. cleaning.. 🙂

Domme: it elevates the mundane

I’ve had the image of being objectified in my head for the last few weeks. The whole CFNM thing is a bit of a turn-on.

I imagine my submissive feelings would be stronger if I were naked while doing it…mabye. It’s been my experience that most women don’t want a naked guy cleaning for them, much less a submissive one.

Yet I’ve learned that two of my friends enjoy having submissive men naked while serving them.

Maybe it’s a west coast thing:)

I have no clue how service would be different for me if other aspects of BDSM were mixed in with it.

Would my quality of work get worse because I would be too eager to play? Would it increase because I might feel even more submissive?

The Bad Kind Of Pain

· February 16, 2008 · Thoughts · , · 6 Comments

I really messed up my back.

Shit I’m 33 and I feel 66.

I have no clue what I did to it.

I was crouched down, cleaning stuff out of the fridge (yeah, sexy right?) stood up and BLAMO! I couldn’t even walk.

The next morning I called in sick to work, my roommate helped me put my pants, socks and shoes on (ok maybe i’m 96 years old) and headed to the Doc.

It’s an odd kind of pain. It hurts so much that it’s funny. I actually laugh sometimes after falling to my knees in pain, maybe because it seems so silly to me.

So now, I’m just taking it easy. Wishing she would call and invite me out to dinner or something. I’ll probably end up just relaxing though. Taking it easy.

Tomorrow I’ll performing service for Viviane at one of her great gatherings. Serving tea, cleaning up garbage, making sure there’s plenty of food out on the table.

Maybe everyone will assume I’m limping because I just had some really intense play.

Then again, I may be limping because of the really intense painkillers I’m on.

Service-oriented, Or Just Desperate?

· January 7, 2008 · Thoughts · , , · 12 Comments

Note: Just so you know, when I mention “service” I mean cleaning or doing chores for someone with aspects of D/s involved. Non-sexual (from my experience).

I had never considered it a question of if I enjoyed service or not. Of course I enjoy it. Even though I’ve only met one other submissive that really craves performing service.

But it was how the question was phrased that gave me doubts:

“Is service the easiest outlet for your submission?”

It’s the only outlet for my submission.

Cue the self-doubt:

What if that’s the only reason I enjoy service? What if it’s just because it’s the only way I can get a taste of what I need?

Over the past year, I’ve worn the phrase “service-oriented submissive” as a badge of honor. I’m more interested in pleasing than getting my own rocks off. That’s true sexually and also why I enjoy service. I enjoy service because I like the feeling of doing something for someone I respect and want to please.

That’s why I’m doing it, right?

What if I’m so desperate to get that feeling that I’ll take whatever I can get? It’s certainly easier to find someone to clean for than to find someone to beat the hell out of me or to let me worship them. It helps because sexual attraction isn’t necessary in service.

I’ve always said I’ve enjoyed service for service sake and I wasn’t one of those guys that want’s to clean for someone in the nude. What if that’s just because I’ve never met someone I was hot for who I could clean for?

What if I was really attracted to someone sexually as well and was performing service for them? Would I wish my service had more sexual tones to it?

Am I being more selfish than I thought? Am I the one who’s using them since it’s giving me that feeling I can’t get anywhere else?

I do know that I enjoy pleasing, making someone happy and making their life easier, but doesn’t everyone? Doesn’t everyone like making someone else feel better?

Maybe I’m not special at all and the only reason I enjoy service is because I’m so desperate to feel submissive that I’ll take what I can get.

What does service-oriented mean anyway?

I think if I ask one more question, I’ll be on the next train to crazy-town.

Serving Viviane

· December 26, 2007 · Uncategorized · , , · 11 Comments

Viviane gave me the honor of serving her and her guests at her monthly tea party just over a week ago.

I agreed of course (she’s difficult to say no to), though I was a little nervous since I had never served more than two people at a time.

The week beforehand I emailed her countless times asking if there was anything I should do to prepare, what to expect, if there was anything I should pick up…any question I could come up with. Clearly I was overanalyzing the situation. It was due to a combination of nervousness and eagerness to please.

I never know what the vibe will be when I first meet someone for service. Will they want me to be formal or “at ease”?

It was clear that I would be more “at ease” and that suits me just fine. The hardest part was watching Viviane do so much work while I just stood there while she prepared. My knowledge in the kitchen really needs to be expanded.

I found myself asking “Please is there anything I can do before the guest arrive?” but she had it all under control.

Thankfully as the guests arrived I became busier. So many new faces and a few I had met briefly before.

Most of my tasks involved serving drinks, taking out trash, placing food out. All things I was new to in the realm of service.

There were a number of moments where I did have time to socialize and meet some amazing people:

Meeting Sinclair and watching this trick impressed me to no end.

My ability to work an oven was painfully apparent when Calico brought some Mac-n-cheese that needed to be heated up. I remember thinking to myself “Hello, yes I’m a service-oriented submissive that doesn’t know the first thing about how hot an oven should be to heat up food…I’m a total ass!!! How are you?”. Her Mac-n-cheese was gone within 4 minutes by the way.

Wendy has an addictive laugh.

Desire also has a way of making me feel impotent in the kitchen. We shared some great witty banter.

May and Eileen are the only Domme/sub couple I know, not only is seeing them a validation that it could someday happen to me, they’re also incredibly nice.

Ok I could name-drop like crazy (Viviane doesn’t like having someone name-drop her constantly so I’ll try to keep the Viviane name dropping to a minimum for Viviane.)but the important thing for me was how I felt afterwards. I thought I did a decent job despite my lack of knowledge in some areas, fell on my face in a few situations but nothing too bad. I met some amazing people who I’ve been reading for years and it was nice to put faces to the words. Also Viviane, despite my fumbling in the kitchen, made me feel appreciated and that’s part of the reason I enjoy doing it.

The quote of the night?

Viviane said as I was leaving: “Ohh and we didn’t get a chance to flog you”.

Damn….don’t I know it.

Proudly powered by WordPress · Theme: Mayer by Pressware.