Behind Closed Doors

I thought we were done for the moment.

Others had watched, she beat me, brought me to tears, held me and then began to untie me.

The audience commented how hot our scene was then left, closing the door and and leaving us alone.

We weren’t done yet though.

She kissed the remainder of my tears away, telling me how happy she was with me and then kissed me.


She didn’t bother removing the leather ankle cuffs from me, only removing my hands so I could hold her.

I was naked already and before too long so was she, pulling off her corset and underwear then pulling me to the ground.

She reached down and slid me inside of her. A gasp escaped us both.

She rode me, I held her hips and within a minute her eyes were rolling, her back arched and every muscle in her body singing.   

What’s the opposite of sympathy pains? Sympathy pleasure? That’s what I always feel. It’s like I’m mid-orgasm with her.

I moaned and and she quickly pressed her hand over my mouth. Just a few feet away outside that door people where socializing.

I can’t remember how many orgasms she had but before too long she was satisfied and slid off of me. The ache of feeling everything perfect in the world leaving my body overcame me and I’m sure I made a moan that said “please”.

I snuck outside the door, covering my arousal as best I could, grabbed my clothes and joined her again.   

There she was, smiling with that lustful grin she gets when she’s used me.

I melted.

Not all of me, but most of me.

“Fuck”, I said with a sigh and a smile.

“Fuck indeed” she smiled.


Why is the clock moving so damn slow?

Only a few hours and I’ll be submitting to her again.

I don’t know what she has in mind, I never do.

At this point I don’t care as long as she does it. Tie me up, beat me, tease me, fuck me.

There’s a good chance she’ll do all of it, leading up to it I’m craving all of it. When I’m actually with her I’m just a passenger and I’m more than happy to go wherever she wants to go.

I’m always craving things, aching for them beforehand but when the time comes I’m just happy to be there in whatever position she wants me in.

Will she be whispering to me to fuck her harder or will she be whispering to me asking how much I like getting fucked hard by her?

There will be a moment when she lets me release and shortly after moments later she may want me to again.

Will she want to watch? She has a way of making me feel objectified when she’s watching me.

The taste of her skin, her hands on my head while my head is between her legs.

There will be cuddling and in the morning I’ll make breakfast.

I can’t wait.

Why is the clock moving so damn slow?

Curious Things

I was asked to make a list of the things I’m most curious about. Thing I’ve had on my must-try-before-I-die list.

Chastity- Maymay wrote about his extended chastity here. Obviously my daydreams aren’t nearly as close as what the reality would probably be. I imagine being locked up and taken out whenever she (whoever she is) wants me. More of an anti-masturbation device than a no-orgasm device. Who knows, maybe she’ll want me locked up for longer durations, or maybe not locked up at all.

CBT- I have limited experience in this area but the hints of it that I’ve experienced have been eye opening. Probably because there are a million wonderfully evil things a woman can do in this area. As with all kinds of pain, it’s limited to those who really get off on giving pain. I hate the idea of feeling pain anywhere but I love the idea of taking the pain for someone who gets off on giving it. Everything from sounds, bondage, clamps, clothespins, you name it and I’m curious about it. The mental image of sounds is enough to make me whimper.

Anal play- I’ve experienced strap-on play a few times. A few times isn’t nearly enough. I’ve only experienced the wonders of the prostate once for maybe a minute. My head nearly exploded. There’s also something very intriguing about plugs and hooks. I have no idea what the appeal of anal play is for a dominant woman. Is it the idea of violating a man? I know what the appeal is on my end of things but the motivation for a woman escapes me. If I knew the motivation it might help me find someone to motivate into doing it.

Predicament Bondage- I was talking to someone the other night who mentioned how much she loved doing it to her boyfriend. I hadn’t thought much about it until I saw how much she loved it. Her face lit up with this genuine evil smile. It’s motivated me enough to read more about it and keep my eyes open for someone with an evil smile.

Electrical play- Nuff said. This is a big question mark for me. I’ve heard it can be either very painful or very pleasurable.

Hypnosis- I’ve heard it’s intense.

Owned- I know now that my previous goal (I wrote about it here) of having a weekend where I was totally owned and controlled by someone is totally unrealistic. Finding someone who wants to own me for a few hours might be more attainable.

My Memorial Weekend

-I held out hope until Monday afternoon that I’d complete my quest. While I was out on Saturday I met someone who hinted that something was possible but there really wasn’t any chemistry.

-I did manage to get a sunburn yesterday after spending a little too much time out in the sun in Central Park. My skin stings a bit but it’s also a bit warm. It reminds me of how it feels after took someone a flogger to my back for almost an hour straight. It’s a good kinda pain in a way. At least now I know how to get the residual feeling of tender loving abuse.

-I really need to stop looking for it. I need to stop trying so hard. It’s goes against the way I was raised: If you put hard work into something it will pay off. In this case, you get the same result by doing nothing.

-I’ve been thinking about her quiet a bit. I hope I get to see her again soon. I’ll sometimes walk down the street just hoping our paths will cross, hoping she’ll turn the corner and smile at me.

-I have some vanilla friends visiting from out of town this weekend so it’s doubtful that I’ll make it to SMACK. I’m hoping they go to bed early Saturday night so I can still sneak out.

-I’ve officially sworn off craigslist (again).

-I did manage to see the new Indiana Jones movie. My review? It’s better than not having a new Indiana Jones movie. There were a few times I was rolling my eyes. Still, it was better than nothing.

Am I A Masochist?

A vanilla friend of mine recently said “Hey if you want to get beaten up by women, just walk into a lesbian bar dressed as Rush Limbaugh.”

I’ve been with a few people who thought they were sadists, but when it came time to play they would just barely tap and maybe tap once or twice then look at me saying “Can you take that? Is that enough? Is it too much for you?”

Yes, I’ve faked it once. But the other times I’ve usually just said “more please”. There’s sometimes a look of sadness and disbelief when they realize I can take more pain than most.

Ok…that sounded like bragging.

I will say this, there’s tons of pain I’m not sure I could take at all. I’ve never been whipped for example, nor have I experienced CBT or a heavy flogging lots of stuff.

Here’s the other thing. I may not actually be a masochist at all.

Some define a masochist as someone who can take a lot of pain, others say its someone who can have an orgasm from it.

I’ll say, from my limited experience with caning, that I’m more of the former. But then again, I’ve never been caned by someone I was really into.

One of the hottest experiences in my life was when I was out on a date with someone, we were making out and she dug her fingernails deep into my side (so deep I had marks in my side for months and months afterwards). I was in heaven. She whispered in my ear “I love that you’re a pain-slut”. It wad one of the sexiest things anyone has ever said to me. Sadly that was as far as it went with her.

I do know that, when it comes to caning, I can usually take a lot of pain. I friggin’ love it. I love taking it for that person, feeling their power and….ok I guess I am getting turned on by it.

I also love the emotional release. I’ve only had one really really good beating and I ended up crying because of it (and because while in deep subspace I thought heard the voice of the woman I was desperate for at the time).

I will tell you one form of torture I can’t handle: Musical theater.

I’ve come up with a few possible craigslist headlines that may attract a sadist:

-Please beat the shit out of me

Nah too graphic

-Please make me hurt

Nope…she could just stand me up and do the trick

-Want to work out your frustrations?

No, sounds like every Casual Encounters post

-Is that a whip and flogger in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Too cliche

-Beat me and you could win a free toaster!

Bingo that’s it! It appeals to every sadist and…who wouldn’t like a free toaster?