No Really, I Am Straight

Bad Man brought up an interesting point that I’ve heard from others.

There aren’t many straight male dating/sex bloggers out there, and even fewer submissive straight male bloggers out there.

I started writing because I wanted to internalize how I felt about being a submissive, writing helps with that. Also I wanted to be able to get feedback and opinion from others who were interested in the subject.

If you try and find a sex/dating blog written by a straight guy it pales in comparison to those written by women, gay or bi-men. If you look for specifically straight submissive men, it’s even harder and most of those are males in relationships of one form or another.

So why are there so few straight male bloggers out there? Even fewer submissive ones?

I do have a few theories as to why there aren’t more blogs like mine:

-Time: Most submissive men are too busy spending hours on collarme.com or alt.com to have time to blog. I didn’t start writing until I got fed up with spending hours and hours (I’m not exaggerating, sometimes up to 7 hours in one night) every night composing thoughtful emails with no response. Or having a rare response but ending up with a bad experience. It wasn’t until I gave up on those sites that I had more time on my hands and decided to write. After all, I was used to spending time on they keyboard.

-It’s not exactly sexy: Writing about the desperation or the ache to be beaten isn’t something many guys would be willing to put out there. Most submissive men aren’t comfortable admitting their desires to their partners much less to the masses online. For many women…ok MOST women, a submissive male is a turnoff. Why would they admit to it?

There’s also a big difference (for me anyway) when I’m reading a blog written by a woman than a guy. I don’t know when the last time I got turned on while reading a guys blog. Yeah of course you enjoyed having sex, you’re a guy. Reading about how a woman got her rocks off…

Ok I’m back….sorry..I had to take care of….umm….something.

anyway, reading about how a woman loves sex and what makes her toes curl is hot. Reading how a guy likes sex is…well… obvious.

So the answer? Why are there more women, gay men and bi-men blogging?

I have no clue.

Do you?

4 Comments

I’ve been getting to know a straight submale blogger. He started his blog in late 2003, an eternity in internet years.

He keeps it locked for friends only, but I’ve read a lot of his archives. It’s really substantive writing from the bottom’s perspective.

Maybe I’ll invite him to the April gathering.

I feel the reason why more women blog is because it’s a pretty neat expansion in what could be considered a private sphere.

According a bunch (though not all) of gender theory, men have the public sphere within which to discuss their maleness, and in this case, their sexuality. Guys have no problem in large and open groups talking about their sexual endeavors, while it can be looked down upon for a woman to do the same. There are well-known cultural disparities between the praise applied to a sexually active and experienced man and to a woman.

The internet supplies a more private community, as well as a sense of anonymity that would allow a woman to have that sort of non-judgmental and intimate sphere within which to express her sexuality, without fear of being stigmatized. This system is of course described in a binary, though it seems applicable as a spectrum, or at least that alternative sexualities and sex practices would be more private due to the judgment one may face, which would not be dissimilar to the criticism one may face as a woman expressing sexual desires, pleasures or tendencies.

All of that, of course, is based on general/generic ideas of what maleness and femaleness are. So take it with a grain of salt.

“reading about how a woman loves sex and what makes her toes curl is hot. Reading how a guy likes sex is…well… obvious.”

I’d very much appreciate you elaborating on this.

There were more heterosexual submissive male bloggers about a year or so ago. They vanished. And I fear it was because they weren’t getting anywhere.

Three years ago there were virtually no F/m bloggers of any sort.

I think single submissive men need to use their blogs to present a more complete picture of themselves than merely needy if they want the blog to be a useful tool. Even in vanilla contexts men who present themselves as sexually needy tend to drive women away even if they are decent guys. Not fair but seems to be a truth.

I was going to say something about how women are socialized to express themselves openly, but I actually like Mischief’s explanation… very logical.

By the way… I think you and your writing are sexy, and I’m not even all that into submissive men. Although I live for exceptions. 😉

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