My Relationship With Pain

I was on all fours on the bed, she was standing behind me.

After a few minutes she told me she wanted me to thank her when she hit me in a way that I really loved.

I started thanking her after every blow.

She laughed a little and told me she only wanted me to thank her after she hit me in a way that I reeeeeeeally loved.

I somehow managed to speak through the endorphins, saying that I didn’t know when I really loved it.

I’m still confused by my answer.

It’s hard to explain since I really love all of it.  Whatever she’s doing, I really love it.   I love enduring through the pain.  I love taking it for her, I love Yes I love the sting, the thud and the ache but there’s an overall feeling about it I love as well.   Something that covers the entire experience.

I’ve never been able to understand whenever I hear someone saying how they love a very specific kind of pain.  When someone says they love a cane on their thighs but not their ass or a flogger on their back but not their chest.  It’s all the same to me.

I know I’m not like many masochists out there, I rarely get physically turned on while I’m experiencing pain.  Emotionally, I’m extremely turned on.  In the grand scheme of things, pain is still very new to me.   I’ve been tying myself up since I was very very young.   I’ve only been experiencing pain in association with sex for a couple of years.

Sure there are different degrees and I react differently to those degrees, but I’ve never been able to say that I love a cane over a flogger or one part of my body hurt more than the other.   It’s not about that.

It’s about the sounds she makes when my body is pushed until it shakes, about how her hands feel running over my warm skin and how it feels when she kisses me hard in the middle of it.

I love all of it.  I crave all of it.

Wether she ties my (actually they belong to her) cock and balls in an uncomfortable position or pulling down on my nipples or tying me in a stress position, I’m in heaven.

I just love being hers.   I love taking it for her, I love the intimacy of it, the power, the control, the pain all of it and more.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you!

4 Comments

I really liked this post, Axe – thank you. It’s a beautiful description of masochism.

Although in the superficial sense there are some types of pain I prefer to others, in the deeper emotional sense I completely identify with your statement about it all being the same. I suppose it is the submission of it, and yes – the intimacy.

J.

That is ridiculously hot.
Yes, I love the physical feeling of hitting someone, but if they don’t get off on it, it’s useless.
But when he whimpers and moves into the blow, when I feel his breath puff out, when he makes that low sighing sound after a particularly hard hit…. that’s what makes me crazy, makes me so hot that I almost don’t want to keep hitting him because I’m too busy wanting to grab him and touch him and punch and kiss and fuck and love him.

amazing to read.

You have the exact same relationship to pain as I do, The only difference is it is not new to me over 20 years in the BDSM I have done a lot and have been quite a pain slut ut it never really physically arouses me either.

It’s neat to see your understanding of your relationship with pain, and just how beautiful the individuality of it is. Not only can we have this amazing relationship with pain, we have it in so many different ways (replaying some memories…).

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