Warning: This post contains more bitching and moaning. Don’t continue reading unless you’re willing to put up with more complaining.
It’s Leather Pride weekend!
I really don’t know what Leather Pride is supposed to be. I mean, I know what it’s supposed to be but I have no clue how I’m supposed to feel it.
I know why others feel pride about the lifestyle and good for them. I’m happy for them. I just can’t relate.
My desire to find a dominant woman for either casual play or something more is a constant source of stress, sadness, frustration and tears. I don’t think I’ve ever felt pride.
I’ve felt leather thankful before. Thankful for the good friends I’ve made. It’s not Leather Thanksgiving however.
I’ve started to get angry at myself for needing this. Angry at myself for having such a deep desire for everything in that last post of mine.
Let’s be honest, it’s not going to happen.
I might as well write a fantasy about winning the lottery on the same day I cure cancer while having sex with my wife, Adriana Lima.
I know what some of you will say right now “No, it won’t happen with that attitude” and you would be right. When I’m happy and optimistic it doesn’t happen either so what’s the difference?
There are times when I want to stop writing here until something happens that’s worth writing about. Part of me feels guilty for always writing about how shitty I feel. I sometimes get worried that I’m annoying readers with all of my bitching and complaining.
Maybe I’ll put up a survey and pose that very question. If I shouldn’t write another word until something happens and until then just stop.
“Pride is an emotion which refers to a strong sense of self respect, a refusal to be humiliated as well as joy in the accomplishments of oneself or a person, group, nation or object that one identifies with.”
I can read the words and it makes sense but the feeling just isn’t there for me.
I will be going to Folsom Street East on Sunday. Doing my best to keep my chin up.