Fail

About a year ago Sade and I came up with a game plan. Or rather I came up with a hairbrained scheme and Sade let me go through with it.

Here was the plan.

I’d bust my ass for a year or so, saving up for a kick-ass European honeymoon and it would also bring in some additional work to give us a buffer in the event we had an emergency. I wanted to start off our married life on the right foot. I’d work insanely hard and it would pay off.

Well it did and it didn’t.

I did work hard this past year. Especially the last 8 months. I’ve been working every day and every night. Day-job and the freelancing at night every night and every weekend while doing the podcast in what little free time I had.

It started out good enough but starting in June I had a ton of medical bills that kept piling up and continue to do so. I emptied my health savings account and almost every extra penny I made from freelance work.
 While I do have health insurance, it’s shitty health insurance and just barely better than no health insurance.

So…nothing left for the honeymoon.

Fuck

Countless nights I worked when Sade and I had a movie night. By that I mean I sat with a laptop while Sade watch a movie.

How many walks in a park did I miss because I had to work.

These last two weeks especially I’ve been down. The wave of lost time and the realizations that I could have been enjoying with her have been lost forever.

The whole time I kept saying to myself it would pay off that I’d be able to look back at all that hard work and smile walk walking hand-in-hand with the love of my life on our honeymoon in Amsterdam, Berlin, Paris and on and on.

So now my only plan is to bust my ass for another year and hope I can take give her the honeymoon I wanted to for a 1st year anniversary gift.

Fuck

Meanwhile Sade has been understanding, supportive and full of love. How the hell she can be this way while I’m filled with rage over breaking the promise I made to her is beyond me.

I owe her ten honeymoons.

22 Comments

I learned long ago that there will always be another dollar, and another day to chase it. Another day to have “right now”? It doesn’t exist.

It’s a suck-ass lesson to learn, though.

I’ve been married 25 years, and I’ve learned that life will throw you (both!) curve balls. There’s an old saying, “Man plans, and God laughs.”

The fact that you are both supportive of each other during these early upsets is a very good sign. I would have expected nothing less. I’m sure it sucks, but you have each other to have it suck with, and that’s a very good thing.

Sorry for you health problems. Hopefully they are behind you.

Hey, you didn’t fail! Life failed you. You succeeded despite it! Imagine if you hadn’t had the money to cover those health expenses. You saved Sade from having to cope with that. And that’s worth a LOT.

I think we women get a warm little glow when we see a man working hard for us. But only when we know that’s what’s happening. Next time you put in one of those working nights, maybe it would help to ask Sade for permission to do it, and tell her fervently that while you curse the screen you’re always reminding yourself it’s for her? That way she can get the emotional payoff from your hard work even before you go on honeymoon. I have a feeling you’re already doing something like this, and it’s clear that Sade already knows, but maybe knowing that she knows will make you feel better too?

    Hey thanks for the comment,
    Perhaps I wasn’t clear. Every night is one of those work nights. So she knows every night I’ll be working.

      Every night – that’s rough. But I guess I wasn’t clear either. Just make sure she gets to enjoy knowing that you’re doing it for her. 🙂

        Thanks
        That was the original idea. Sadly it ended up going to my medical bills.
        Fuck it I can bust my ass for another year if we can do the honeymoon in a year.

          Axe, you’re sweet, but you’re not listening. Cool down and see if you can stop fixating on what the money actually got spent for. Sade can enjoy watching you work just knowing you WANT to spend the money on her!

          Or keep being mad with yourself if you prefer … but I think making Sade happy is a worthier goal. 🙂

I’m truly sorry to learn about this.

The road of life is long, and you may face many difficult things in the days ahead. Life can be very hard. You have each other and your love for each other; that is what really counts.

Try not to be down. That will disappoint Sade more than not having that honeymoon. You are enjoying your lives with each other. Continue doing that. I must agree very much with Tomio “Another day to have ‘right now’? It doesn’t exist.”

First of all, I’m very sorry that you’ve had health issues and they’ve taken such a chunk of your money. (I am ever grateful that I live in the UK!)

But secondly, I’d like to play Devil’s Advocate for a minute. Admittedly, I don’t know Sade or you outside of the small section of your lives that you put on this blog. But it seems to me that you might be looking at this the wrong way.

Sure, Sade DESERVES 10 (million) honeymoons. Sure, it would be amazing to give them to her in an ideal world. But we don’t live in an ideal world. So what does Sade really want in the world that you do live in? You say it was your scheme and she went along with it – is this about your need to make a grand gesture or what she needs?

Maybe it would be an even greater act of service NOT to have a honeymoon. Maybe it would be a quieter, simpler and even nobler thing to say – I had a fantastic plan, I worked hard for a year, and as a result we didn’t have to cope with debt when I got sick. And that SUCKS but it’s just too much of a burden to do for another year.

Maybe the dream is to spend a year in your apartment having quiet movie nights with your wife rather than spend a year going through Hell for three weeks of bliss.

I don’t want to shit all over your hard work, and you clearly have this plan in mind because you care very deeply about your fiancee. I’m just unsure from what you’ve written that this is really the outcome that serves her best rather than serving what you think she deserves best.

Best wishes,

Bunny

a honeymoon in Europe is awesome.

But I’d guess Sade love YOU and not the idea of the travel, however idyllic that might be. Enjoy your now with her. Don’t spend another year killing yourself to create a “paradise” vacation. Today is the day you have with one another…and that is far more important.

Give her the gift of you. I have no doubt she will find that the most precious gift of all.

nilla

That’s what I hate regarding the way America (and other countries indeed) see the health system: you have health problems but you are poor? Fuck off and die.

Come to France dude.

Dude,
You are thinking too much like a dude. If this is really about Sade, she’s smart. She knows you busted your ass for her. Isn’t that really all that matters?

    Well..no that’s not all that matters. You’re right though she is smart but if intentions were all that mattered the world would be a very different place.

I don’t know this for sure… but I suspect that she doesn’t actually give a shit about the fancy honeymoon. I suspect that what she really cares about is being with you wherever that may be. 🙂

    Well of course she gives a shit about the honeymoon, that’s why she agreed to this in the first place but she’s not as bummed about it as I am.

      Well then I stand corrected. If the “where” matters to you both as much as the “with whom,” then I hope you are able to take a lovely European honeymoon as soon as possible and that neither of you is too bummed about it to enjoy life til you can make it happen!

Oh well, just make sure you don´t have more health issues BECAUSE you work too much – that would really suck…
And do go for a walk, next time.

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